Bones of the earth

amazing photo volcano eruption lightning

amazing photo of an erupting volcano from metro.co.uk

 

 

 

Blurring all the days and nights,
cloud banks muffle the sky’s bright space
And a tirelessly destructive breeze rewrites
the expressions of the world’s wrinkled face.

But still the pulse of the living earth
awakens striving hope and breath
in the cataclysmic earth-wombed rebirth
of dreaming mountains from molten death

Ageless rocks in the elements’ hells,
stand and weather the eroding dew,
which joyfully rivers to eternity’s wells,
where long-lost hopes are born anew.

This poem was produced in response to readwritepoem’s challenge to write a poem based on the skeleton of someone else’s. I used a skeleton provided by throwshiswords – I didn’t read his original poem until afterwards, so all I had was this skeleton:

_______ all the _____ and _______,
_______ ____ obscures the ____.
____ _______ breezes _______
erase the ______ of the ___.

But still the _____ _____ of the ________
awakens ______ ___ and ____.
In the ________ _________ echo,
_________ half-__________ ______.

Ageless ________ in the _______,
_____ and _____ and _____ alone,
connected ______ ___ to _____,
a long-lost _____ is _____ _____.

And here is the original poem I produced based on that skeleton:

Blurring all the days and nights,
damp mist obscures the stars
subtly destructive breezes patiently
erase the face of the world

But still the pulse beat of the living earth
awakens tentative hope and breath
In the quiet, unregarded echo
of patient half-heard dreams

Ageless rocks in the elements’ path,
stand and weather and endure alone,
connected subtly to eternity’s wells,
a long-lost hope is born anew.

I then went back and did some tweaking – I wanted to deepen the connection between some of the images, and also felt the poem wanted rhyme. Thus ending up with the version that appears at the top of this post.

An intriguing process – firstly that I spontaneously used some of the words from the original poem that didn’t make it into the skeleton (dew, mist) – and something of the same mood. And secondly that, although the final version contains very little of the skeleton, I don’t think it’s a poem I would have spontaneously written without the prompt.

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7 responses to “Bones of the earth

  1. I’ve never seen heard of such a prompt but then I don’t “do” poetry – thanks for inspiration. I’m rather in awe of the (rhyming) poem you ended up with. Bravo.

  2. Hi, my name is Kim.
    I found this website by chance. I was looking at the picture of the wooden woman. When I realised that you had used the image as inspiration for your poem, I read it, and I love it. I then began reading more of your work, and came across this. I read the comment first (because I’m normal, like that!), to see what other people thought, and then I read up and found that you took the skeleton of another person’s poem, and magnificently re-captured it in your own interpretation. Before I read your poem, I tried to write my own version using the ‘skeleton’, this was harder than I thought it would be. I tried to make the end of the stanza’s rhyme, but I’m not sure I was too successful! 🙂 I realise this is not normal protocol for poets on this site, but I’m no poet, so apologies if this is wrong of me, but I wondered (and would appreciate it) if you would read my version and give me feed back; as I don’t even know if it makes sense to anyone else, and as I have nothing to loose, here goes….

    Preventing all the mystery and magic,
    Cloud that obscures the skies.
    Some vast breezes fiercely
    erase the sight of the eye.
    But still the person part of the earth
    awakens dreams harsh and unforgiving.
    In the half silent echo,
    In half-cast living.
    Ageless beauty in the lightening,
    electrical and alive and strangely alone,
    connected both mind to soul,
    a long-lost dream is quickly re-owned.
    If you’ve read this… thank-you.
    And if you comment… thank-you again,
    Thanks, Kim.

    Ps. I don’t have a website where I’ve posted some of my other poems – yet! So, I used a website with Childs poetry, as this to me is the best and most innocent of creation.

  3. Hi lirone! Wow, I really like your poem’s reworking of the skeleton of my original. It’s especially resonant for me as a dweller in the shadow of Mount Saint Helens (in Portland Oregon).

  4. First off, great title. I love the metaphor of the “world’s wrinkled face.” I once lived near a volcano and this brought back many memories.

  5. BENJAMIN NJUE NAMU

    Hi I’m Ben from Kenya
    I was trying to search for world’s wrinkled face,I ended up reading this poem and forgot everything that I was doing,it completely carried me away.Its the most inspiring poem that I have come across!

  6. I have been reading out some of your stories and i can state pretty good stuff. I will definitely bookmark your site.

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