Scrambled horoscope

Star-Forming Region LH 95 in the Large Magellanic Cloud

Take a deep breath – better days are due,
building a vortex of energy around you.
Mercury coaxes you to look to the past
from your house of confidential meetings.

(perhaps if I owned a house of confidential meetings,
or even had some idea what one was,
I would hear the voice of that coaxing planet.)

Planets in the double-bodied sign of Gemini also suggest
little will go as smoothly as clockwork
With your arsenal of positive planetary power,
make that endeavor a four-star winner now.

(recent endeavours have led me wandering
under skies brillant with endless stars –
what need have I of an arsenal?)

The full moon will fall in the distant-travel sign;
The new moon will give you a platform to shine brilliantly
Mars will send a powerful, positive beam to Pluto at that time.
both orbiting on opposite sides of the heavens.

(I prefer to stand on the earth –
though closer than the other side of heaven,
reaching the moon would be a difficult jump!)

There will be reason for hope, though –
that new fledgling relationship would likely have staying power
You’ll be concentrating hard as news pours in
thrilled with what’s being stirred up for you.

(thanks, but I prefer to do my own stirring,
and find my own reasons for hope,
fledgling or otherwise!)

The Sun and Saturn, the ruler of your house of true love,
will be in divinely compatible angles
possibly far from your present base.
Try to hold off giving your final answer…

(These strange predictions seem less than compatible with my life.
I am glad I do not depend on their strange angles 
to find my answers or feel wonder at the brilliance of the universe.)

I am definitely not a believer in horoscopes, but sometimes find them entertaining to read. I do enjoy the strange mystical language they use, as it’s often delightfully weird – so long as I don’t try to think about it as being supposed to mean anything – I mean, what does a divinely compatible angle look like? And sometimes I find good advice in a horoscope… whether for my star sign or not!

Anyway, I found this interestingly worded (though only randomly relevant to my current situation!) horoscope by following a link from red ravine, and felt that it was begging to be the basis of a found text poem. So I pulled out some of the weirder lines, rearranged them completely, made a few tiny changes, and added my musings on the predictions. Only the words in italics are mine.

The photo is one of many stunning images taken by the hubble telescope which are available at


11 responses to “Scrambled horoscope

  1. This really made me chuckle. Your horoscope did have some high-minded language, didn’t it? A house of confidential meetings? Hmmm…

    I loved your musings in between. 8)

  2. Professor Trelawney all over! 🙂

  3. I like how you mostly disagreed with all the high-sounding predictions. It brought the proceedings back to reality a bit.

    Some of the phrases you could definitely use in a poem, though.

    I’ve tagged you for a six-word bio.

  4. “I am definitely not a believer in horoscopes, but sometimes find them entertaining to read. I do enjoy the strange mystical language they use, as it’s often delightfully weird”

    I share the same sentiment. I check my horoscope everyday, just for the fun of it. Can be very addicting.

  5. naver having been one to really beive in the accuracy of sun signs i was happy to hear you fighting back on some of the points… very cleverly done…

    and i like the idea of the “found poem” in the divination of the attached link….

  6. Love the sly parentheticals here! Wonderful send-up and commentary on the world and words of horoscopes.

  7. I’ve found that I like to read my horoscope since they sometimes give me a good focus on certain things. I don’t know if I believe in the stars though sometimes they cause me to pay more attention to things I might miss – especially when a work horoscope says “tread carefully around the boss.”

  8. Thanks everyone for your comments – glad you enjoyed reading it, because I certainly enjoyed writing it!

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  10. As I read through your blog, I thought you were either a Virgo or an air sign and what do you know?! 🙂 I don’t think astrology has been given a fair enough shake. Astrology achieves its accuracy through empirical study, based on observation of people and the movement of the stars and planets over a long period of time.

    There is nothing wrong with being skeptical. In fact, if you are a thinking person — you will be. However, it seems as if there’s been no time taken to study astrology — instead relying on hearsay. If there’s no interest, fine. But denouncing it without studying it or expecting / demanding that someone will give you scientific proof instead, is lazy. You are better than that. You are a Virgo (or air sign?) who is ever on the search for pure thought, emotion, actions, and being. In love and living, Psychic Jucy

    • Erm, no, sorry, not on the search for pure thought, emotion, actions and being… nor have I just dismissed astrology without investigation. If astrology works, and if as you claim empirical study has been carried out, then that should generate proof… and the burden of proof is on practitioners and advocates of astrology to produce convincing evidence that goes beyond the “successes” achieved by cold reading.

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