After the storm…

I feel a strange tranquillity at the moment.

My job is really very challenging, with a lot to learn and a lot to manage. Because of my role I’m also quite isolated within my team, though they are a friendly lot. And I’m in that stage of not really being settled into my new life here – it always takes time to establish new friends and new social activities, and I’ve only been here less than 3 weeks. And though I brought quite a lot of books out with me I’ve read and re-read them until I’m fed up with them, and the rest of my library hasn’t caught up with me yet! On one level I should be feeling stressed and demoralised and lonely and bored.

And yet I feel this strange feeling of relaxation, of sufficiency. A feeling that the waves may be big but I’m a tough little boat navigating the best course I can.

Perhaps this is another bonus of the heartbreak and turbulence of last year, and the enormously strengthened self-confidence with which I have emerged. Some of my worst interpersonal nightmares came true in an intense period of self-doubt made almost unbearable by the strangely physical agony of heartbreak. And yet I survived, and not only survived but came out strengthened.

I can’t imagine anything at work that would approach that level of deeply personal pain and stress, so it seems silly to worry about what this job will be like. And I am doing my best to keep to the advice I gave myself on my first day, which is basically about having realistic expectations of myself. Yes, it will be difficult, but I have confidence in my own ability to not only survive difficulties but learn and grow in the process.


Photo by merlineden at flickr


2 responses to “After the storm…

  1. It’s pretty amazing to think that you’ve up and moved to a whole new country, have taken on a new job, have started a new life. I’m struck by your sense of equanimity, composure. If I were to guess, I’d say you are adaptable, open to change, and someone who has lived abroad before.

  2. So Far, So Good. I’m glad to hear (read?) it!

    There’s something to be said for having new worries to help keep away the old ones, especially when the the new worries are the kind you have some control over and can work to alleviate. You went so far as to get a new life. Just building that will pass the time needed to heal from the old one.

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