Creativity, confidence and love

Last March I took the decision to at least try to bring my dreams of becoming a professional singer into reality. It felt wonderful – I was moving forward to do what I wanted to do. So it seemed like part of a perfect pattern when shortly afterwards a wonderful man came into my life, full of ideas and practical support to help me take forward my singing. I had my own ideas and strength to put my dreams out into the world, but in confronting a difficult task his support and encouragement was so welcome.

And then it all started to go wrong. In the space of one month, I had five audition rejections and some comments from my singing teacher that wounded my confidence. As my confidence faltered I turned for support to my lover. But just at the same time he started to fall apart and away from me, and did so in a way that damaged my strength and confidence even more.

So for a few months I lost the confidence to face the inevitable barrage of rejections between me and possible success as a singer. Indeed a lot of the time I could hardly sing at all for the powerful emotions welling up in me. (I wrote a post about this called the emotional power of singing a few days ago.)

For a while it felt like my whole life was falling apart simultaneously. I have learnt so much and healed so much since then, and built new confidence and strength. But I still feel unable to make progress with my singing and I can’t work out why.

Is the problem that being a professional opera singer is not right for me? (See doing what you love for a living). It’s certainly a difficult, competitive path, often lonely and fraught with rejections that feel very personal. And it’s certainly not the only creative path that I could choose – I’ve recently started being interested in changing to jazz singing, or writing, and so on.

Or is it that singing really is the right thing for me, but I still have a lot of work to do to overcome my fears?

How do I decide? Any suggestions?

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5 responses to “Creativity, confidence and love

  1. Pingback: Masculine and feminine creative forces « Words that sing

  2. Maybe your questions have the answers? You seem to know that the lesson might be in the experience, and not in the outcome. Perhaps you’re unconsciously seeking what the challenge of persevering will bring you? Maybe not, but have you considered it? EG, if you switch paths, perhaps you’ll encounter the same issues down the line…? Just a thought! TLI

  3. Thanks for your thoughtful comments!

    I know that it’s often a bad idea to avoid a problem by trying to switch to another path. On the other hand, knowing when to quit and try another way is sometimes sanity-preserving!

  4. also very wise!!!! good luck with it! keep us posted!

  5. Pingback: Taking a risk - in singing « Words that sing

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