Knowing when to start again…

It’s never easy to tell when you’re ready to start dating again. Probably there’s no right answer. I also think that it’s only by seeing what happens when you meet new people, particularly single ones of the opposite sex that you start to get a feeling of what you still have to resolve.

My first few dates after the breakup just made me sad to remember how amazingly well things had begun with my ex – I was making all sorts of unfair comparisons. Which made me vividly aware how much I was sort of expecting that meeting a new partner will always feel just as good. But that’s of course not necessarily true. I’m also very much aware that that sort of beginning is no guarantee that things will continue to go well afterwards – perhaps even the reverse!

Anyway, I wasn’t ready to start seeing somebody then, but starting to date again was really useful to show me what I needed to get out of my system.

Right now I find I’m in a very relaxed space about finding someone – open to the possibilities, keen to find someone special, but at the same time not at all afraid to challenge people on aspects of their behaviour that could potentially be a problem later on. To the extent that I’m afraid of anything, I’m more afraid of finding out about a problem too late than of never finding someone. Much healthier!

But I must go, I have a date tonight….

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3 responses to “Knowing when to start again…

  1. Pingback: Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : Knowing when to start again…

  2. I’ve been contemplating this writing exercise, too, and how blogging fits in with taking a risk.

    I think that’s one of the problems I’ve had with my current blogs. I write under my own name. People I know (some of whom I love — family, friends, etc.) — and some who are acquaintances or people I used to work with) read my blogs. Then there are the unknown (other bloggers), some of whom are becoming or have become friends.

    I find it easier to take risks when I’m not writing under my own name, and when I write where people from my “real life” (as they say) don’t read. It’s not a matter of keeping secrets so much as the comfort factor when having to face, say, a coworker who has read a post where I poured my heart out or exposed myself in some way.

    I could be wrong, but I think in this medium (blogging, the internet) it’s much easier to be “completely honest, open and vulnerable” when there’s a good degree of anonymity involved.

    I’m not trying to be argumentative. Just pondering your post out loud (so to speak). It’s wonderful that you’ve found a place to be open and to take risks. 🙂

  3. I can really understand where you’re coming from here, Robin. I’m sure there’s a huge difference between blogging anonymously and under your own name.

    I know I’d feel a lot less able to express myself if I used my real name, or shared the site with anyone other than my most trusted friends.

    I suppose blogging anonymously is like being naked with a mask on! 🙂

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