Singing will always be a part of my life. But does that mean I should try to make a career from singing? Part of me says that if I don’t at least try, I will always regret it. But another part of me says that I have very little chance of making a career in such a fiercely competitive world. And worse – if I try, and fail, I could end up losing a lot of my joy in singing.There is so much rejection to deal with in the world of professional singing – and often you don’t get to sing the music you love. And when you become dependent financially on your voice and your singing, that puts a huge amount of pressure onto something precious. Wouldn’t it therefore be better to be content to be a highly proficient amateur or semi-professional, and protect my joy in singing?
So hard to tell! I do know that when I did my first big audition I did become nervous and lost a lot of my joy in singing – my practice became a stressful chore rather than an expressive pleasure. Would I get used to that in time? Or with a little more external success? Perhaps.
I recently read Renee Fleming’s autobiography, which is very interesting – very honest about the difficulties and fears and frustrations of being a singer. She seems to have huge doubts and endless rejections even after she got going professionally – but I have to admit that she seemed to have a real discipline in her practice even when things got tough. And OK, so I’ve had a lot on my plate emotionally lately, but if I were a professional singer I would have to find a way to continue to practice and perform, regardless of what was going on in the rest of my life. Do I have that toughness?
Perhaps not… and yet can I really give up this dream?